Repeat after me: how other people treat me is not a reflection of my value.

And if you want to; think about that for a while.

Here’s an example to ponder on; if someone sexually desires you, does that mean they value you?

Ahhhh, no, not usually do they, they could be just walking by you in the street or pretending they value you to get laid.

And anyway to equate someone else’s desire with your value is a false equation at best; someone can find you smoking hot but not value you at all.

I’ve learnt, the hard way, that no one gets to determine my value but me.

And that if someone is not contributing to my value, then they are either neutral or diminishing it. 

Neutral is neither here nor there. For example, I might often need to deal with someone neutral within a work or a family setting and from them I could potentially learn a lot.

But in our private life, where we get to choose our friends, why would we have neutral people, well, unless it’s a friend’s partner? To me, it’s kind of like ordering a triple decaf, trim milk latte? Really? What’s the point?

Ideally we are around high-vibing people that bring us a feeling of freedom, happiness, joy and peace.

You could offer each other joy in a million different ways; they get you exercising more than you would on your own for example, or you show them a country that they might be too frightened to travel to all by themselves. Perhaps they share with you a culture or language, sport or hobble or an experience that you wouldn’t have had, otherwise. 

They might be a kind compassionate ear when you need one, perhaps they are the friend that will help you move when no-one else would get out of a bed on a rainy Sunday morning to help. 

You know who these people are because they show you by their actions how they feel about you. Having these sorts of friendships on speed dial is invaluable because there is no better buffer against life’s hardships than this. 

My take on this is that friendship boils down to substance over quantity and if you even have one friend like this, you have won Lotto. If you have more than one friend like this? Well, you have won the Jackpot. 

IF you have 3 friends like this? Holy Toledo Batman I don’t know how your feet can touch the pavement.

If you want to measure your value by any yardstick, then measure it by who chooses to be around you, and whether you can tell the truth to each other even because even when you are quite sure they are not going to like it, that’s respect.

How grateful are you for those people you’d have a bloody hard time living without, is it enough to pick up your phone and activate the voice memo function on your phone, right now? 

Why not record a short, sweet voice message they can play back whenever they might need a reminder that someone, anyone, deeply cares about them and send it to them?

And before you shrug it off saying they’d just call me. Think about that for a moment too. Can they always do that in the moment?

Perhaps they’re sitting in a busy doctor’s surgery waiting room terrified and all they can muster is the energy to whack their air pods in their ears and just listen to you.

So, here are some prompts if you want to try:


NAME, you dusty mother fucker, I haven’t spoken to you for ages but you mean the world to me, if you didn’t know it already, you do now. Love Me.

NAME, you sexy mother fucker, you mean the world to me, is there anywhere you would really like to go that I don’t know about yet and that I could take you in the new year? Va va va vooooom. Me.

NAME, sweet child of mine, you mean the world to me, if you haven’t heard me say it lately, it’s because I’m a slack bastard but you are NEVER far from my thoughts. I’m sorry I was in France watching the Rugby World Cup final on your birthday. Love Me.

NAME, why did we fall out this year? I’m not sure we want to remember do we. But I’m sorry. I was a total dick, and all that matters is that it won’t happen again. That is my promise to you and I intend to keep it. Love Me.

NAME, I am sorry we fell out this year. I totally understand where you were coming from. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to contact you, but this stuff is kind of tricky you know? I want to know how I can make it up to you but most of all I want you to know I really do give a shit you are not in my life at the moment. Me

NAME, if I could have anyone living or dead at my dinner table from now until the end of time it would be you. I’ve missed you; it’s been too long, and can we please catch up in the new year so I can at least see your face? Love Me.

NAME, please continue to stay away from me in 2023 you are too married, and I’m too sexy for this to ever be anything other than a huge cluster fuck that I would do well to stop starting in the first place. Much appreciated. Me.

You get the drift, you can do it, go on!  As always, I’d love to hear how it goes. x

Only you get to decide the relationship you have with yourself and if you need help to do that then reach out. You can take review whether a  30 min Life Coaching session with me is a fit for you, here.