The hard truth about addiction? The family’s lies are often more dangerous than the substance. I used to think addiction recovery was just about the person using substances.

Then in the aftermath of trying to process my brother’s death and confronting my own problem with alcoholism, I realised recovery doesn’t start with the addicted person.

It starts with the family telling the truth.

The biggest lesson?

Your addiction isn’t just your disease – it’s a family system that either feeds or fights the illness.

At first, I was frustrated watching my parents fighting about how to handle my alcoholic brother, sending him off to a child psychologist, and blaming each other while he got sicker and sicker.

Later, I was desperately trying to stop my Mum enabling my adult brother while she was saying “I just don’t want him to be homeless.”

Now, instead of watching families dance around hard conversations for years, I encourage instead that they get brutally honest about what’s really happening, to someone indepenent of their family unit.

I suggest go and find someone who will tell you the truth even when your pride hurts because it might well be the difference between life and death.

If you’re still walking on eggshells around your addicted loved one, don’t keep secrets hoping things will change, call them out on it, day in and day out, and get help from an ‘outsider’ if things are not getting any better.

When a mother told me “I don’t want to embarrass my daughter with an intervention, Maree” I had to point out that her daughter was already falling down drunk at family dinners.

The family narrative was protecting the addiction, not the person.

What family story are you telling yourself that might be keeping someone you love sick and do you need some outside help.

If you need some help to navigate a tricky conversation with a loved on, then book in with me to step you through it, here but most importantly, just make sure you have that conversation. Consider that even if it’s a bit clumsy, one day they might not be there for you to have it with.

xx.